Christmas draws near.... and my mind wanders

As Christmas comes near and the mad rush to prepare slips slowly into neutral, it's time to reflect on the year. Where have I been, where am I, where am I going, why do people act mean when being nice is a better choice, and what if Spartacus had a Cessna... would the world be different today.

Is my life merely: 365 days of waking up only to instantly be driven to sing "Put Da Lime in Da Coconut" in my head over and over and over until I reach the shower and can sing it out loud and..... errr .... well "proud" is not really the right word, Or 67 times waking up only to discover the other drivers on the Toll Road didn't like me sleeping while doing 65, Or 260 round trips to the salt mine, Or 14 times (and 8 different people) having to say, "I'm sorry for touching your donut like we were having a threesome with it". So I am left wondering, where is the reward in life?????

Sure some people have fun, some people meet other fun people, and yeah some lucky bastards are even invited to jointly fondle a sassy little piece of pastry with someone else. However my lot in life is to occupy that dark little corner we all call.... My Life. It bothers me when homeless people see me and they try to force a few bucks into my hand while weeping openly as their eyes survey me. It hurts when derelicts intuitively know that while they live in a Maytag box, eat cold tuna, and drink sour milk they will always get more dates than I can.

I always say to myself (when I am able to turn the internal volume down on "Put Da Lime in Da…" for a second), "Self tomorrow is going to be a good day because really what could be worse than today....." However just like the Lassie Show, I know that I'm like Timmy and more days than not will be spent looking up from the bottom of the well thinking, "Why the hell didn't the writers make a script where I have to be saved from a caravan of horny gypsy vixens instead of a stinkin well or cave?!?"
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays